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Wysłany: Śro 9:11, 04 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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Wysłany: Czw 9:43, 05 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Sardar were captured by cannibals.
The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that we caught you and we're going to kill you and eat you and then use your skin to build a canoe. But the good news is that you can choose how you want to die."
The Frenchman asks for a sword and runs himself through muttering his last words, "Vive la France!"
The Englishman asks for a gun and putting the gun to his head says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brain out.
The Sardar asks for a fork.
The chief is puzzled but hands it to him anyway.
Taking the fork, the Sardar starts jabbing it all over -- the stomach, the chest, the sides and everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, its horrible.
The chief is appalled even for a cannibal, he asks, "My God Almighty, what are you doing?"
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MajorMale
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Wysłany: Czw 9:45, 05 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Sardar were captured by cannibals.
The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that we caught you and we're going to kill you and eat you and then use your skin to build a canoe. But the good news is that you can choose how you want to die."
The Frenchman asks for a sword and runs himself through muttering his last words, "Vive la France!"
The Englishman asks for a gun and putting the gun to his head says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brain out.
The Sardar asks for a fork.
The chief is puzzled but hands it to him anyway.
Taking the fork, the Sardar starts jabbing it all over -- the stomach, the chest, the sides and everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, its horrible.
The chief is appalled even for a cannibal, he asks, "My God Almighty, what are you doing?"
Sardar replies, "So much for your CANOE!"
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Wysłany: Czw 12:20, 05 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the
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Wysłany: Czw 17:24, 05 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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Wysłany: Czw 22:57, 05 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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Wysłany: Pią 12:30, 06 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear. Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpses anus and licked it. Now you must do the same, he told the class.
After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
Second, the professor continued, you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this mans anus, but licked my index finger!
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Wysłany: Pią 12:38, 06 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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Just In Case
A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.
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Wysłany: Pią 23:19, 06 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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Husband and wife in bed together.
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Wysłany: Sob 1:38, 07 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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I do know of a guy who was fired at some company and was left to finish his shift. He wasn't escorted out or monitored and decided to place clear scotch tape over a few dozen optical sensors on the production line after his shift. This was on Friday and it took three weeks to get the production line going again. Every section was registering an obstruction when there wasn't, the computer was replaced two times and you couldn't see the tape on the sensor heads. Eventually someone decided to replace everthing on the control and safety circuits and found the cause later.
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MusicHorse
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Wysłany: Sob 10:32, 07 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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Horny wife
A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex.
She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a Lingerie shop.
One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television, and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.
"Want some of this?" she purred.
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MusicHorse
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Wysłany: Sob 10:35, 07 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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Horny wife
A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex.
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dzudoist
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Wysłany: Sob 15:08, 07 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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I am a keen mountain-biker, and was the proud owner of a fairly expensive mountain bike. My bike was fitted with 'V' brakes, which are extremely effective, though prone to squealing. My dear brother decided to have a ride on my bike one day, while I was out. He noticed the squealing as he cycled down the hill we live on, towards the invariably busy crossroads at the bottom. Being a helpful sort, he headed back home and proceeded to pour a generous amount of 3-in-1 oil onto the brakes, before once more setting off down the hill. The oil worked! The only reported squealing came from my brother, as he slammed into the side of a moving VW Beetle. To this day he sports an impressive scar running from his eye socket to just past his ear
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Wysłany: Sob 21:51, 07 Kwi 2007 Temat postu: |
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Alunatic shot up another friend's store late one night. I put thesecurity images on DVD, then went to the guys house, and recordedevidence showing that the vehicle in the security footage was the sameas the vehicle at the defendant's house. It was easy. We knew the make,model, and color of the vehicle, plus some distinguishing features. Thesecurity footage didn't get the license plate number, but mine did.
Whenthe police showed up, they found the gun in the vehicle still, andmatched it up to four other shootings in the same area. The guy isnicely tucked away in jail now
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