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StrihCode · Gość

You've been programming too long when:

- When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

- When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

- When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

- When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

- When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

- When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

- When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

- When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.

- When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

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FoxStrot · Gość

A young Father has finally had enough of his son's wetting his pants, and takes him aside.

"Son", said the Father, "You are going to have to learn how to urinate properly, and no longer in your pants!"

The Father brings to boy back of the garage to show him the "proper" method.

"Okay, son, this is how it is done. One, unzip your fly. Two, take out your penis. Three, skin it back. Four, let go with the urine. Five, skin it up. Six, put it back in your pants. Seven, zip up your fly. Now you know the RIGHT way!"

The Father watches his son every day to see how well he is following his instructions. He notices the son going to the back of the garage about every few hours. He is very proud of his son, and decides to peek at him while he is "doing his thing" to see how well his instructions are being followed.

The next time the son heads for the garage, the Father follows. He peeks around the corner of the garage and hears his son: Three, Five, Three, Five, Three, Five..."

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While the bar patron savoured a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."

"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.

"What are you celebrating?" he asked.

"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass.

"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."

"How did it happen?"

"I switched cocks."

"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.

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Son ask's Dad the difference between theoretically and realistically.
Dad said that's hard but i have an idea !.
Ask mum if she would sleep with the the milkman for Ł1million quid.
Mum said YES.
Da said ask your sister if she'll sleep with the coalman for Ł2million quid.
Sister said YES.
Well there son that's your answer , theoretically we're sitting on Ł3million quid, but
realistically we're just living with 2 Fuckin slag's

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving"

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All The Guys on This Side

A guy walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing chap. He chugs back a beer and says, "All the guys on this side of the bar are cocksuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"

Everyone is understandably silent.

He then, chugs back another beer and says, "All the guys on the other side of the bar are motherfuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"

Everyone is silent, again.

Then one man gets up from his stool and starts to walk toward the man.

"You got a problem, buddy?"

No, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar!"
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