GILDIA CIEMNOŚCI

Sportsradio · Gość

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said, what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

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Copyrater · Gość

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

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Jaguarik · Gość

Chapped Lips

This old timer is setting on the porch of a saloon. A cowboy comes riding up and hitches his horse to the post, walks behind the horse and kisses its ass. The old timer looks in amazement and says, "Hey Cowboy why the hell did ya' kiss your horse's ass?" Cowboy: "Well, I have chapped lips"

Old Timer: "So are ya' sayin' that will cure chap lips?"

Cowboy: "Nope ... but it sure keeps me from lickin' em!"

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PhantShtorm · Gość

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student without saying a word.

"Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school." Very Happy

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Velikanchs · Gość

This horse on a farm goes up to the cow and goes, "I have a bigger dick than you" then he beats him up. The horse then goes up to a sheep and goes "I have a bigger dick than you" and beats him up too. He then goes up to the female cat and says "I have a bigger dick than you" and the cat replies "I dont have a dick" then she beats up the horse.
The moral of the story is, no matter how big the dick, the pussy can always take it.

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Derzkovat · Gość

A man is in bed with his new Thai bride.5 minutes after making love,she starts fondling his penis."You cant want sex again surely" asks the man."No" she replies"im just admiring it,i really miss mine" Very Happy

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SergantVas · Gość

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

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AtractionSR · Gość

Making Donuts

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his chagrin, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

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Sasophon · Gość

Hello! f

fun story..

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink[link widoczny dla zalogowanych] Now how do I tell her?"

Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"

The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."

And she says, "So have I, love[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]"

To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks." Very Happy

Shokolatka · Gość

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, "Son, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother. Then I said, "Here Honey, try these on."

So she did then he said, "Well sweetie they're a little too big. I can't wear them."

I replied, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems."

Hmmm," thought Jack. "That might be a good thing to try!"

On his honeymoon Jack took off his pants and said to Jill, "Here, Babe. Try these on."

So she did and said, "These are too large."

Jack said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will and don't ever forget that."

Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack and said, "Here, you try on mine.

So he did and said, "I can't even get into your pants."

Jill said, "Exactly, and if you don't change your f***ing attitude, you never will!

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funnyfanat · Gość

A man knocks on a old womans door and there is this well dressed vacuum salesman at the door and the woman says "GO AWAY, WE DON'T WANT ANY" and slams the door, then the man puts his foor in the door and says "At least let me give the demo" so she says "Well, OK" and the man dumps a bucket of manure on her carpet and says "If this vacuum does'nt pick up all the manure i will personaly eat the remainder" so the woman says "Well i hope you have a big apitite, 'cause they shut of the power this morning"
Very Happy

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zakkRestor · Gość

A Musical Octopus

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him."

Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can't play their instruments.

The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it.

The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it.

The bartender then walks into the back room and comes back five minutes later with a set of bagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn't be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits.

After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, "Come on now! Play it!"

The octopus replies, "What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaid pajamas off of it, I'm gonna screw it!"

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edocking · Gość

Unspoken Wife

Joe and Bill are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing football and
NASCAR.

All of a sudden Joe says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't
spoken to me in over 6 months."

Bill sips his beer and says, "You better think it over, women like that are
hard to find."

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cetchup · Gość

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

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Kaktuska · Gość

We all know those little computer symbols called "emoticons,"
where:

-) means a smile and
-( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by
-)
-(

Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass.

(__!__) a fat ass.

(!) a tight ass.

(_*_) a sore ass.

_!_ a swishy ass.

(_o_) an ass that's been around.

(_x_) kiss my ass.

(_X_) leave my ass alone.

(_zzz_) a tired ass.

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass.

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass.

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